In the lift, descending, Tate Modern Friday lunchtime:



American Guy, to 2 American female friends: It was Russell Square underground. She looked at me as if I had given her a $million. All I did was hold the elevator door open to wait for her from about 10 meters away.

On the 76 Bus, Sunday night (Waterloo to Old St):



Girl on mobile: This morning-did you see the drawing that I did for you? ... Tina, many girls like a solution like this.

I was on a local train between Birmingham and Walsall once and it passed through the bleak little station of Hempsted. There were two women pensioners in the next bay of seats:



Brum pensioner 1: Oy can never pass throw this stayshun without thinking of Mrs Hempsted from the One O'Clock Club who was tayken at the Seychelles
Brum pensioner 2: Sharks, weren't it?
Brum pensioner 1: Yes. Yow going to Tescos layter?

(from JohnnyFox , who sent that picture of his friend Luis coming out of the bathroom ...)

At home, saying to myself (Tues eve):



czechOUT:Hmm. New Year's resolutions. No point-I always honour them in the breach. Mind you, I could improve my diet. Add more raw vegetable, for example...

Waiting for the 76 bus, Fleet Street (Wednesday evening):



Guy 1: Is it possible for me to become his muse?
Guy 2: No it's only for women, like Marianne Faithful

On the 76 bus, Old Street to Fleet Street (Wednesday morning):



trainee lawyer girl to trainee lawyer guy: I love the Holloway Road. It's a bit rough and ready

Waiting for the 76 Bus, Aldwych (Wednesday night):



Guy: I always look forward to showering with the guys after a game. The chat's usually good.

On the 21 bus Bank to N1:



Guy 1: You know I'm feeling quite insane and young again...
Guy 2: Lord knows you are a fool in your flurry of a first affair, you think? Shit, I know it.

At Gatwick Airport, Sunday afternoon:



guy 1 (to friend/partner?): There are always Angels around, but no more so than at Christmas. For you and me. Always. I promise.
guy 2: Hold me close?

On the 73 bus, Essex Road (contributed by Brendan UK):



Girl 1: I’m goin round Sarah’s house.
Girl 2: Sarah? I hate her.
Girl 1: Which Sarah you talkin about? This is the Sarah who keeps on about my brother, you know, when we was sunbathing.
Girl 2: Oh that Sarah. l hate her as well.

In a bar in Belgravia, SW1 (Saturday night):



guy (to another guy): You know how they say Christmas comes but once a year? Fortunately I don't. I cum a lot more frequently and lots...You believe me?

On the District Line to Wimbledon (Tuesday afternoon):



guy: I prefer my white underwear, but none of your designer shit

On the 141 bus to London Bridge, Monday morning:



girl 1: Sometimes it's better to have sex with strangers.
girl 2: Sometimes it's better not to have sex at all.

On the 76 Bus, Fleet St to N1 (Friday Evening):



guy: I can't wait to get out and play in the snow...

On the Northern Line (Old St to Bank), Wednesday Morning:



guy1: He tried his best to pick me up...
guy2: He was wasting his time, I remember you were a crap shag!

At the King's Head Pub (Islington), Tuesday Night:



girl: I could see up his pants.
guy: I wanted to be up his pants.

On the train (High Wycombe to Marylebone) Friday evening:



schoolboy 1: I need a fucking wank
schoolboy 2: You need a fucking wank now

On the train (Marylebone-High Wycombe), Friday morning:



Man 1: Now and again I dip into the red
Man 2: Ouch

On the 76 bus (from Bank) Monday evening:



I think he's on heat.

Waiting for the 76 bus, N1 to Bank (Friday morning):



Foreman to Polish builder: So, do you have a girlfriend...or a boyfriend?
Polish Builder: Yes