On the 141 bus, Old St to home, New Year's Eve 2009



Girl on phone (not an iPhone): Yeah, all my friends are going to a house party, but I don't want to go to the party of some girl who got off with my boyfriend...

Christmas Eve, at the baker shop:



And fit aboot the double shortbread? You'll be haein' it see'n as it's the weekend?

On the Tube, Monday morning before Christmas:



Ginger's very good for you this time of year.

Saturday morning, 4.23am, online:



I don't want to be known as a gay rugby player. I am a rugby player first and foremost. I am a man.

Misheard on Saturday night in Shoreditch:



There's a crack in every pavement, underneath there is a bitch

Heathrow Airport, T5 - Wednesday last week:



I like to sew the seeds of love...

Wednesday evening, Carlton International Cannes:



In the Celebrities Bar: Qui a gagne?

At City airport, Friday:



Woman to Man: I was careful every single time

At the British Museum, Sunday afternoon:



Man: I never felt I'd escape being sucked all the way down

Sunday morning, on public transport in London:



Man in blue uniform, unhelpfully: These are just the rules and regulations

Sunday in the Marais:



Guy 1: J'aimerais réaliser un fantasme auquel je pense de plus en plus : faire l'amour dans un lieu publique

Guy 2: Mmm. Moi aussi.

On the steps of St. Paul's Cathedral


Lad to Dad: It's ever so itchy...

At Heathrow T5, Saturday morning:



Guy 1: Where there's truth there will be lies

Outside Burlington Arcade, Friday lunchtime:



I think reason plays no part

AirFrance flight 5171



There's a real skill and technique to it

Friday on the Eurostar:


You're the main attraction, right?

Tuesday at the bus stop, Old St roundabout:




I've done it so many times before.

Thursday night, Times Square:



But do you think it's good for the environment?

Thursday night at Little Oranges, Brick Lane:



I wish to be a patron.

Wednesday night at the NPG:



What happened to my brother?

At Shoreditch Park prom, on Friday night in the rain:



Sometimes, I don't even know why I bother...

On the tube to Moorgate (a snatch of clear conversation caught between the carriage rattling):



Fella to his mate: "......he's loose. Really loose..."

Friday night, 21 bus from Monument:


Text 1 (to Greg): Darling. Hi. I'm sorry. will call you when home
Text 2 (to Greg): Je t'aime

On the 76 bus from Moorgate to Dalston Friday night:



A group of sixth-form kid-clubbers board: Yay! We're going to a marvellous party.

Wednesday at Tower 42*:



Person 1: You think Messi can take Ronaldo?
Person 2: Did you see him in those shorts?
Person 3: Ronaldo has such a small dick.

*Barcelona 2-MU 0

Thursday night at Eurostar, St. Pancras:


Englishman : I hear that it may be a hot summer.
Englishlady: Mmm. We may need to get some sort of air conditioning-plenty of water.

At Maze, Saturday lunchtime:


Guy 1: Mmm, that is good
Guy 2: Like an expensive Gaucho don't you think?
Guy 1: I'd quite like a Gaucho; the cowboy, not the steak.

Tuesday on Central line, Chancery Lane to Bond St:


Girl to friend: It was really small. Really small.
Friend gives girl knowing look...

On the 76 bus from Kingsland Road to Old St, Friday night:


Raver girl, on mobile: I don't want to get too wasted tonight. I'm saving that for tomorrow.

Saturday night at the Barbican:


Old man to old lady: Doesn't it feel like summer yet [sic]

At the Diner, Friday night:



Hoxton indie boy in tight red T: This is so not life at all

Saturday night at Pizza Express:


Mother: Don't you know I'll be there?
Amanda: Whenever you need me? Jesus, plastic sounding Jackson shit mother.

Friday night at NOBU:

Middle aged guy to his young Asian companion: I prefer a slice to a snip.
Young Asian guy to his middle aged companion: We* only have another 50 minutes.

*I might have misheard, it could have been you only have another 50 minutes....

Tuesday night at the Northgate, N1:



Lady 1: They'll be moving around trying to avoid the troubles
Lady 2: I just don't want to give into that stuff.

Friday 13th, in Tower 42:


Woman to a lover: Is it worth it? A new winter coat and shoes for the wife...
Lover to a wife: And a bicycle on the boy's birthday?

Sunday on the Eurostar, Paris to London (23 mins out of Paris)




French Guy to English BF: All things he ever wished are left behind
English BF to French Guy: The talks he never had and grown-up places he never went...
French Guy to English BF: C'est tragique!

Friday night, at the pub (Cheshire Cheese):



Guy 1: Ouch, I'm gonna be your bruise!
Guy 2: Fcuk off.

Thursday night, St. JOHN Restaurant, Smithfield:



Katie: Feels like I've been outside myself for so long.
Scott: We'll miss you, Katie.

Monday, at lunch in Gaucho Grill (Smithfield Market):



Man 1: We all get it in the end.
Man 2: Yes, we do.
Man 1: I rather like it in the end... Do you like the beef?

Saturday night in Blush, Stoke Newington admiring a picture:



Girl 1: Isn't she the one with the wet pussy?
Girl 2: That's right it's Mrs Slocombe from Are You Being Served

At the OXO Tower Restaurant, Saturday night:



Girl to Guy: I fancy the taste of something creamy...

On the 73 from Angel to Essex Road, Saturday afternoon:



m8 to m8 on bus: You might as well take it, we think that you should.

Saturday morning, at the cafe (sitting not too far from the toilet):



Guy to girl: What are you having? I'm having a number 2.
Girl to guy: Me too, I'm having a number 2.

At the Barbican Pit theatre bar, Saturday night:



Guy on phone: It's made me extremely wary of big bulls...

In the City, Friday:



Guy to girl: I'm so looking forward to going home tonight and having nothing on.
[both look at each other and giggle]

Guy to girl: What I mean is I'm so looking forward to going home tonight and not having anything planned - not going home tonight and being naked!

On the train. Manor Park to Liverpool St:



Guy to daughter: Are you getting enough air?