Thursday, December 31, 2009

On the 141 bus, Old St to home, New Year's Eve 2009

Girl on phone (not an iPhone): Yeah, all my friends are going to a house party, but I don't want to go to the party of some girl who got off with my boyfriend...

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Christmas Eve, at the baker shop:

And fit aboot the double shortbread? You'll be haein' it see'n as it's the weekend?

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

On the Tube, Monday morning before Christmas:

Ginger's very good for you this time of year.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Saturday morning, 4.23am, online:

I don't want to be known as a gay rugby player. I am a rugby player first and foremost. I am a man.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Misheard on Saturday night in Shoreditch:

There's a crack in every pavement, underneath there is a bitch

Monday, December 07, 2009

Heathrow Airport, T5 - Wednesday last week:

I like to sew the seeds of love...

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Wednesday evening, Carlton International Cannes:

In the Celebrities Bar: Qui a gagne?

Sunday, November 08, 2009

At City airport, Friday:

Woman to Man: I was careful every single time

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

At the British Museum, Sunday afternoon:

Man: I never felt I'd escape being sucked all the way down

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Sunday morning, on public transport in London:

Man in blue uniform, unhelpfully: These are just the rules and regulations

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sunday in the Marais:

Guy 1: J'aimerais réaliser un fantasme auquel je pense de plus en plus : faire l'amour dans un lieu publique

Guy 2: Mmm. Moi aussi.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

On the steps of St. Paul's Cathedral

Lad to Dad: It's ever so itchy...

Sunday, September 27, 2009

At Heathrow T5, Saturday morning:

Guy 1: Where there's truth there will be lies

Friday, September 18, 2009

Outside Burlington Arcade, Friday lunchtime:

I think reason plays no part

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

AirFrance flight 5171

There's a real skill and technique to it

Friday, August 28, 2009

Friday on the Eurostar:

You're the main attraction, right?

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Tuesday at the bus stop, Old St roundabout:

I've done it so many times before.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Thursday night, Times Square:

But do you think it's good for the environment?

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Thursday night at Little Oranges, Brick Lane:

I wish to be a patron.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Wednesday night at the NPG:

What happened to my brother?

Sunday, July 19, 2009

At Shoreditch Park prom, on Friday night in the rain:

Sometimes, I don't even know why I bother...

Monday, June 22, 2009

On the tube to Moorgate (a snatch of clear conversation caught between the carriage rattling):

Fella to his mate: "......he's loose. Really loose..."

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Friday night, 21 bus from Monument:

Text 1 (to Greg): Darling. Hi. I'm sorry. will call you when home
Text 2 (to Greg): Je t'aime

Saturday, June 06, 2009

On the 76 bus from Moorgate to Dalston Friday night:

A group of sixth-form kid-clubbers board: Yay! We're going to a marvellous party.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Wednesday at Tower 42*:

Person 1: You think Messi can take Ronaldo?
Person 2: Did you see him in those shorts?
Person 3: Ronaldo has such a small dick.

*Barcelona 2-MU 0

Friday, May 22, 2009

Thursday night at Eurostar, St. Pancras:

Englishman : I hear that it may be a hot summer.
Englishlady: Mmm. We may need to get some sort of air conditioning-plenty of water.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

At Maze, Saturday lunchtime:

Guy 1: Mmm, that is good
Guy 2: Like an expensive Gaucho don't you think?
Guy 1: I'd quite like a Gaucho; the cowboy, not the steak.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Tuesday on Central line, Chancery Lane to Bond St:

Girl to friend: It was really small. Really small.
Friend gives girl knowing look...

Saturday, May 09, 2009

On the 76 bus from Kingsland Road to Old St, Friday night:

Raver girl, on mobile: I don't want to get too wasted tonight. I'm saving that for tomorrow.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Saturday night at the Barbican:

Old man to old lady: Doesn't it feel like summer yet [sic]

Saturday, April 25, 2009

At the Diner, Friday night:

Hoxton indie boy in tight red T: This is so not life at all

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Saturday night at Pizza Express:

Mother: Don't you know I'll be there?
Amanda: Whenever you need me? Jesus, plastic sounding Jackson shit mother.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Friday night at NOBU:

Middle aged guy to his young Asian companion: I prefer a slice to a snip.
Young Asian guy to his middle aged companion: We* only have another 50 minutes.

*I might have misheard, it could have been you only have another 50 minutes....

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Tuesday night at the Northgate, N1:

Lady 1: They'll be moving around trying to avoid the troubles
Lady 2: I just don't want to give into that stuff.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Friday 13th, in Tower 42:

Woman to a lover: Is it worth it? A new winter coat and shoes for the wife...
Lover to a wife: And a bicycle on the boy's birthday?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Sunday on the Eurostar, Paris to London (23 mins out of Paris)

French Guy to English BF: All things he ever wished are left behind
English BF to French Guy: The talks he never had and grown-up places he never went...
French Guy to English BF: C'est tragique!

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Friday night, at the pub (Cheshire Cheese):

Guy 1: Ouch, I'm gonna be your bruise!
Guy 2: Fcuk off.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Thursday night, St. JOHN Restaurant, Smithfield:

Katie: Feels like I've been outside myself for so long.
Scott: We'll miss you, Katie.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Monday, at lunch in Gaucho Grill (Smithfield Market):

Man 1: We all get it in the end.
Man 2: Yes, we do.
Man 1: I rather like it in the end... Do you like the beef?

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Saturday night in Blush, Stoke Newington admiring a picture:

Girl 1: Isn't she the one with the wet pussy?
Girl 2: That's right it's Mrs Slocombe from Are You Being Served

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

At the OXO Tower Restaurant, Saturday night:

Girl to Guy: I fancy the taste of something creamy...

Saturday, February 14, 2009

On the 73 from Angel to Essex Road, Saturday afternoon:

m8 to m8 on bus: You might as well take it, we think that you should.

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Saturday morning, at the cafe (sitting not too far from the toilet):

Guy to girl: What are you having? I'm having a number 2.
Girl to guy: Me too, I'm having a number 2.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

At the Barbican Pit theatre bar, Saturday night:

Guy on phone: It's made me extremely wary of big bulls...

Friday, January 23, 2009

In the City, Friday:

Guy to girl: I'm so looking forward to going home tonight and having nothing on.
[both look at each other and giggle]

Guy to girl: What I mean is I'm so looking forward to going home tonight and not having anything planned - not going home tonight and being naked!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

On the train. Manor Park to Liverpool St:

Guy to daughter: Are you getting enough air?